Star Trek and Anti-Wingman

Ever been driven to learn something because you didn't get a joke?  Well, the other day, I was having a long, in depth conversation about the paradoxes and time periods in the Back to the Future series when some guy abruptly threw in a Klingon joke about Christopher Loyd.  I didn't laugh, but everybody else did.  I was like why you got just throw Star Trek in here like it's relevant.  And that's when I realized my reputation was on the line.  I was about lose some major street cred. So I went back home, paroooozed the internet, made a couple bags of popcorn and revisited some old lost friends, Captain Kirk and Starfleet Enterprise.  Below are some notes I took along the ride.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

• Learn how to wink with Kurk
• Long sequences of the Enterprise with epic music
• Sulu has the widest eyes of any Asian
• Bald chick is real bald and real celibate
• Kinky machine sex

Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan

• Veronica left her secret closet as a Vulkin
• Main theme of the movie is Khan's kentucky waterfall
• Subplot is Khan's pecs
• First sign of boost mobile
• Genesis is not just a video gaming system
• KHAAANNNN!

Star Trek: The Search for Spock

• Christopher Loyd is back as a cleon
• Where in the worlds is Leonard Nimoy
• Men in purple suits can't fight
• Vulcan puberty 

Star Trek: The Final Frontier

• Maniacal laugh
• Three titted cat dancer
• The axil rose version of klingon
• Definitely directed by William Shatner
• Spock: "Please Captain, not in front of the Klingons."
• All shots fired at the enterprise hit the cockpit

Let's talk about the idea of an Anti-Wingman.  I propose that you should have one for every drunk situation.  This would be a clear-headed dude that works like a censor.  Whenever you think something is a good idea, you tell him your idea.  He'll then put logic behind it and probably tell you it's a terrible idea.

Example situation 1:  You've had a few and you're about to text this girl.  You type up the message, and show it to your anti-wingman, let's call him Tom.  Hey Tom, I'm about to send this message,  Tom replies "that's a bad idea, and she will not think that her and the band Slayer will have a lot in common."  

Example situation 2:  You've had a few and you're thinking about going home with someone.  You let your anti-wingman, Tom, know that you're about to home with a girl. Tom replies "no, that's a bad idea, that's Molly.  You just tried breaking off a relationship with her 2 hours ago.  Don't be a fuck up!"

Thanks Tom, you've saved my ass once again.