Harry Potter has got the ginger fever

Hi world.

Yeah, I’m really good at this whole blog thing.  Rarely posting and kind of not checking in other people's post.  Actually my posting follows the moon cycles (or maybe it’s the Twilight t movie premiers)

Well, today I left work early.  My stomach is super pissed off and I've got a major headache.  Acid reflux tries to be my best friend, but I don't want it to.  It sucks.  Acid reflux, for you unfamiliar with this little bastard, is caused by everything you love:  Caffeine, Spicy foods, Deep-fried food, Drinking, Smoking and Buffets.  It basically says I can't go to the Golden Coral anymore.  Meaning I can't go on any my more first dates.  I'm no weatherman, but it feels like there is a shit storm in my body. Oh yeah, one of the symptoms of acid reflux is "elevated hormone levels during pregnancy".  Have you ever had lava come out of your ass?

Now on to more important news.  I bought 4lbs of green coffee beans: 2 from Panama (cupping score: 8.9/10) and 2 from Kenya (cupping score: 9.3/10).  It's a hobby I tried to do last year, but never could do it because I never bought any of the stuff for it.  Kind of just forgot about it and went on with my life.  I do that a lot with like everything. One time I bought one of those teddy bear cheese dispensers, then never got any cheese.  Yeah, it happens and I don't own a damn cow or a goat.  Been thinking about getting a goat.  Probably keep him in the back yard where he can cut the lawn and eat old beer cans.  Sorry goat, but you got to work for the badass life I'm about to give you.

Who's watching Walking Dead on AMC?  Do it!  Think of each episode as a lesson in life and the undead.  You'll need them, trust me.  Also I think a zombie who was a former UFC fighter would be very hard to beat.  John McClane would also be difficult to beat.

Question:  When and why did people start nicknaming the brain a noodle?  I'm Italian and I know noodles, and there is no resemblances at all.

Pic of the day:

That’s shtick, bye.

Bigons are bullshit

Halloween is supposed to be scary, but it isn't scary at all.  People have lost sight of its true meaning: Death and making kids cry!  Now people just take Halloween as a day to dress really scanky.  Where's the goblin, vampires, and werewolves. I'll tell you where, in the movies making out with each other and showing off their cleavage and causing inter-species drama.  I don't think parents understand that Twilight is teaching their kids bestiality and pedophilia.  He's a fuckin 200 years older than her, that's some serious shit.  Ok, whatever.  I don’t see how that is ok when I still get bad looks from every parent at a park.

I have to work on Turkey day.  Good thing I already celebrated.  Earlier in the month of october, I really craved some Turkey.  And instead of staring at the object I loathed (i can be creepy), I took my two hands and made something happen.  That's right, I smoked that bad boy for 8 hours and had myself, and a few friends, a good ol' Thanksgiving dinner equipped with cranberry sauce, tators, chicken salad, and stuffed mushrooms!  Yummy Yummy

Ok big news, here it goes.  Got a new car.  I know, finally.   It's a 2006 VW Jetta and things work in it.  For all you who don't know, I've had the same old car since I was 15 years old.  A 1993 Mazda protege with god know hows many miles (cause the odometer broke) and a lot of non-working buttons.
In memory of my car, AKA mobmobile, here's some times we shared that I will never forget:

• Setting my grandma's throw pillow on fire which in turn set my backseat on fire
• Rolling around downtown with hubcap spinners while jamming the new kylie minogue single
• Battle of the ants
• Sex Ghosts fogging up my window
• Homer going gangster
• Dashboard Jesus turning albino
• Always getting the attention of the ladies by the screeching sounds it made.

Goodbye car, you will be missed.  People at work are actually considering buying you off me to shoot you with their big guns.  That might just be your fate.  Sorry about that.

Question:  Did you ever own a pair of Moon Shoes or Heelys?
I had heelies with with ABEC-7 wheels.  Booyah!

Weekend at Bernies

Let's talk bathtubs.  You can fill them with almost anything: nachos, igloo people, jambalaya.  I prefer mayo. Seriously, have you rested in a bathtub full of mayo; it's like sleeping on a cloud.

Yesterday was unproductive.  Drank two martinis, one dry and one dirty, and passed out.  Oh yeah, I did BBQ a little and kill some chumps on Halo.

Tonight is nerd night.  A quick definition of nerd night: Really cool dudes (in an optional team leotard) getting together and programing/brainstorming random shit.  By the end of the night, we'll probably have some kind of Asteroid mod where you're a giant cock (instead of spaceship) fighting off Tom Cruise and Oprah's army simultaneously until you ultimately fight the boss which is a Tom/Oprah hydra with high diplomacy.  But the real objective of the game is the find your soul mate by fermenting as many eggs (asteroids) as possible and seeing if they explode or not.

Well, that's life for me today.  Bye Bye now.

Tit for Tat

Why can't cats get jobs?  I mean, it only makes sense.  They poop and eat all your toilet paper, so it's only a matter of time till they'll need some money to keep up with that lifestyle. 

Let me tell you a little something about Jr. Bacon cheeseburgers.  They are delicious and only cost $1 dollar.  How can something so yummy and greasy cost so little.  Hell, I'd give a cashier my uncle therman's watch for just two of those beautiful, juicy, bite-size baby cakes of meat.  I've got a new monetary policy for ya: Jr. Bacon cheesebucks.  They might not be as convenient, or quick, as credit cards, but they will leave your recipient with a big smile on their face.

I made a collage today with a friend.  Check it.  I call the couch with the lady hands and scarecrow feet Dr. Lovestrange Magoo.  He's not very good with dogs, but he sure know how to pleasure planes.

Question:  What is the funniest sex position name you've ever heard?  Mine is the Ottoman or Louisiana Crab Crawler  

Well, I'm bob and that's my life.

First Post

Hello Blogger World, I'm Bob and it's very nice to meet at last.  I've heard some good things about ya, and I'm hoping for very strong relationship.

Now that we're past the formalities, let's get down to business.
Today has been very unproductive.  I seem not to be able to leave the couch when it's rainy and gloomy outside. Watched the first season of 30 Rock and a film by Pedro Almodóvar, Volver.  I've seen many of his films and they never disappoint me.  This one was about a two sisters who live in Madrid and are brought together with a death in the family.  Once together their family past starts to unravel with a visit from their dead mother.  Very interesting movie that shows how well-bonded Spanish families can be when faced with an issue.

So I've got an almost industrial-size deepfryer!  And with this deepfryer, I try to deep fry anything my little mind can manifest.  This week we had a deep fry party where I deep fried 20 corndogs, 5 Cheetos, 7 mushrooms, 1 hamburger (equipped with lettuce, tomatoes, and cheese between two sesame buns), corn clusters, zucchini, and 2 large pickles.  We bought way too many zucchinis and like 7 cans of pineapples.  So I've been thinking of different ways of using them.  Found a pretty sweet zucchini bread recipe, but don't have a have a grater or any walnuts (or any nuts for that matter, I mean I still have testicle, but not for cooking).  It's weird how I got all these crazy kitchen devices, but no grater.  What's up with that??!  So instead of making the bread, I made a random rice dish with zucchini, tomatoes, parsley, chicken broth, and onions.  And like most things that get cooked in this house, it eventually got molded into balls.  That's right rice balls.  Mmmmm boy.  Things just taste better when they are pounded into different geometrical shapes.  I'm pretty dang sure of that.  Here look for yourself, don't these balls look scrumptious.

Yeah, I'll probably fry them up later tonight.  Why you might ask?  Because I can and love heartburn.
Well until next time, this has been my life.