What do members of death metal bands do in their spare time? How do they interact with everyday chores? These are the type of questions that has been haunting me for the last couple of weeks. I know, I should probably be worrying about climate change or the election, but death metal and summer camps fill my every thought. So here I am again, lobotomizing myself on the internet's basement floor. Here I am to explain some common scenarios of death metal members in the off season.
- Sally was excited about the jewelry box her dad got her for Christmas until she opened it. Twirling inside was not a ballerina in a pink tutu, but a black-gowned, massacre-dripping princess spinning to the tune of Hellhammer.
- Backyard chores are a bit more exciting. With trebuchets launching leaf piles and trash bags from one side of the yard to the other, and Billy using his recently sharpened broadsword to trim the hedges.
- Birthdays are no longer quiet when Killroy starts blowing out his birthday candles. From a low, rumbling roar, he conjures the spirits of hell itself to not only diffuse any trickery the candles might have in store, but create a small tremor throughout the city.
Songs
Songs are pretty powerful stuff. They can change a mood or explain a situation. They can bring people together to dance, or get someone a kiss. Everybody has their arsenal of noise grenades, an evolving playlist to get the job done, and I'm no different. If I'm feeling down, I can play Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" to perk up my spirit and get me off my ass. If I need a reminder of my current relationship status, I can listen to Todd Rundgren's "Hello It's Me". I can start an impromptu dance party with some Elton John and slowly transition into a more electric feel with Daft Punk's "Voyager". If I'm looking for some nookie, I might play "Kinky Love" by The Pale Saints. Or if I'm looking to get laid, I might step aboard the Mothership Connection with some Parliament. A pair of headphones is easily morphs into a transportation device, taking me back to the 80s, with one or two Depeche Mode songs. And I can take a road trip from my office pod with Big Star's "September Girls" or Abulance LTD's "Stay Where You Are". Thanks jams.
